i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
