I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
