I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
