During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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