I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
