There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Boobs speak an international language.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
