just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
