So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
