you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
