My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
