i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
