I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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