There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
