I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
