I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
