I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
