he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I deserve this hangover.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
