so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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