Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Randomize
