I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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