'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
