what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
