it wasn't lemon gatorade
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
