Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Text me some of your sweat
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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