How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
