There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We are all done wearing pants today
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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