Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize