We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
