Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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