I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
