Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
