They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
