I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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