im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
