I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
