I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
