I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
