If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
