member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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