I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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