Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
