So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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