do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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