i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
