I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
