How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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