tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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