My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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