Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
