I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
