loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
