it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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