obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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