And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
