He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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