Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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