so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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