YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
