Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
