Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
