He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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