I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
