you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
