Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
pop tarts are not kleenex
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
