i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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