i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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