I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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