Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
