I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
