he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
