Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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