She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
false alarm. still invincible.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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