ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize