last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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