after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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