so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
