Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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